My Edward/ Jacob

Edward is:
1. Strong
2.Protective
3.Loving
4. Gentle
5. Tender
6. fast

Jacob is:
1.Protective
2. Cunning
3. Strong
4. Reckless
5. Daring
6. also Gentle and tender
7. Loving

So there's only one downside to this. If I'm Bella then that means that something isn't right here. Cuz Bella doesn't end up with Jacob. So how can he be both Jacob and Edward when Bella doesn't end up with Jacob? How can he be the perfect guy for me while also being the guy I won't end up with? It kinda makes no sense but then that's love i guess. I'm at the point right now where I know that I'm still in love with Jamie but one very important saying come to mind right now when I think of him. "Your everything I've ever wanted But nothing I could ever have." It means that even though I'm in the love with him I'm not sure that's gonna be enough to make the relationship work in the end. Basically I want him but I can't have him. Actually that whole Jacob Edward thing makes sense now. After that saying. If I'm Bella Edward is everything I've ever wanted and Jacob is something I can never have. So I guess it makes sense now. Or at least to me it does. The whole I want him but I can't have him thing may just be in my head but its how I feel right now and I dont want him to take that the wrong way or anything because I do love him with all my heart and I always will even if we don't get back together. And at this moment I don't want to be with anybody. Not like that anyway. It may take a while before I am over the wounds that DG made in my heart. But Like In the book New Moon today when I was Jamie the pain from the hole in my heart just went away while I was with him. So maybe he is my jacob. But again Jacob isn't the one bella end up with. Even though she is in love with him too.

Ashley Tisdale - It's Alright, It's OK with lyrics

You told meThere's no needTo talk it outCause its too lateTo proceedAnd slowlyI took your wordsAnd walked awayNo looking backI wont regret, noI will find my wayI'm brokenBut still I have to sayIt's Alright, it's OKI'm so much better without youI won't be sorryIt's Alright, it's OKSo don't you bother what I doNo matter what you sayI wont returnOur bridge has burned downI'm stronger nowIt's Alright, it's OKI'm so much better without youI won't be sorryYou played meBetrayed meYour love was nothing but a gamePortrayed a roleYou took control, II couldn't help but fallSo deepBut now I see things clearIt's Alright, it's OKI'm so much better without youI won't be sorry[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/ashley-tisdale-lyrics/it_s-alright-it_s-ok-lyrics.html ]It's Alright, it's OKSo don't you bother what I doNo matter what you sayI wont returnOur bridge has burned downI'm stronger nowIt's Alright, it's OKI'm so much better without youI won't be sorryDon't waste your fiction tears on meJust save them for someone in needIt's way too lateI'm closing the doorIt's Alright, OKI'm so much better without youI won't be sorryIt's Alright, it's OKSo don't you bother what I doNo matter what you sayI wont returnOur bridge has burned downI'm stronger nowIt's Alright, it's OKI'm so much better without youI won't be sorryIt's Alright, it's OKAlright, OKWithout youNo matter what you sayIt's Alright, it's OKAlright, OKWithout youI won't be sorry

WHY?

Religious people

This is my rant about religious people. Don't get me wrong I believe in god and all that but I dont go to church because I have learned a lot about religious people. Most religious people think that just because something is about fantasy that its of the devil and it lets the devil into your heart. I'm sorry I don't think that watching movies about vampires and witchcraft makes me a sinner. They are just for intertainment. And the thing that bothers me the most is that they say this and then they go and watch disney movies which is basically the same thing. Disney has fantasy in it. Like mermaids(The little Mirmaid) Fairies(Tinkerbell movies and Peter pan movies) Talking Lions(The lion king movies) Talking Mirrors and dwarfs(Snow White) flying carpets and jeanies(Aladin) and a bunch of other stuff and they let thier kids watch that and say its okay and that its good. And they are good but they are centered towards young kids. The vampire movies and witch movies and the other movies like it are centered towards the older crowd so that we have something to watch too. It's not like everyone like's to watch TV. Some people like reading books. Like I read the twilight saga so that's mainly why I like watching the movies I like to see what is in the movie from the book and what was taken out. And I ended up loving the movies. But my point is that religious don't understand nor do they want to understand why we may be into these shows. They automatically say we are sinners for watching them just cuz they have vampires and fantasy in them. Well we may like this stuff but everyone is a sinner and religous people are all hypocrytes the bible says "God is the final judge." And that it is not our right to judge others. If they really think we are all damned to hell just for watching a movie or reading a book then they are all wacked and need some serious help!!!

But I know one thing I AM SICK AND TIRED OF RELIGOUS PEOPLE JUDGING ME BECAUSE I LIKE VAMPIRE NOVELS AND WATCH VAMPIRE MOVIES.

Even my own aunt says that reading that kind of stuff is allowing the devil into my life. Which I don't believe at all. I don't believe that god would leave someone just cuz they are bored and are reading a certain book or watching a certain movie. In fact the twilight movies have nothing bad in them. They are rated PG 13 or PG 14 and again they are centered on the older crowd. But they don't even have the word Fuck in them. So they are worse movies out there. But religous people pick on twilight just because it has vampires in it and that makes it evil in thier eyes.

Do they not realize that they might get more people in the church if they tried to be a little understanding and weren't so judgemental about everything.

You don't have the right to judge something that you know nothing about.

translation: If they have never seen or read any of this stuff how do they know they won't like it? How do they know its evil if they have never given it a chance? Just because it has vampires isn't doesn't make it satanic in any way!! There's a disney movie called THE LITTLE VAMPIRE does that mean they think that's evil too? They probably do cuz it has vampires in it. That movie is a disney movie and it is a funny movie. Just because it has vampire's in it doesn't mean its not a good movie. And the same goes for the non disney stuff. Just because Twilight and other movies have vampires in it doesn't mean they aren't good movies. In fact a lot of vampire movies are really popular because they are that good. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with satan. Religious people are the only ones trying to make it about satan. They want to label everything like that as evil. When it really isn't.

My main question is WHY are they so warped about it?

Why can't they be a little understanding or god forbid even be a little open minded!!!

It the same with gay people. Religous people are disgusted by them because the bible says it's suppose to be a man and a woman together. Well you know what...............GET THE FUCK OVER IT RELIGIOUS PEOPLE!! Love is love. If a man is in love with another man then just leave them alone they are in love! Or if a girl loves another girl again leave them alone they are in love. And you do not have the right to judge them for that or try to tell them that they are wrong for loving each other. You can't control who people fall in love with. So GET OVER IT!!

I fully support gay men and lesbians that are really in love with each other.

And I am not ashamed to admit I am a christian but I am also bisexual!!!

And yet I know that other christians would sit there and say I'm not one of them because "it's a sin" To be with the same sex. Does it say that in the bible? That it's a sin the love the same sex cuz I don't remember reading that. And I am absolutley sure that you cannot show me a page of the bible that says its a sin to sleep with the same sex. So therefor they have no right to judge us for who we love nor for what we watch or read or what we do. They have no right to call us sinners just because we are open minded and have imajination!!

We have more right to judge them for being so cruel and insensitive about us. 

Breaking Dawn Trailer Official - Part 1 (HD) along with my review of the movie itself

BREAKING DAWN PART 1
I went to the movie today and saw Breaking dawn part 1. And I have one word for that movie......EPIC!!!
It was so amazing that as soon as it comes out on dvd I am going to walmart to get it. I also made a date to go see Part 2 when it comes out in theatre's. I am now dying to see part 2 because part 1 was so amazing. I am not gonna tell you what happens in it but I am gonna say that from what I've seen it's better then the book and its better then all the previous twilight films. My favorite book in the series is Eclipse but my fav movie will be breaking dawn part 1 and part 2 no doubt. I will say this......I thought it would end then Jacob imprints on Renesmee but it goes farther then that and ends in the perfect place. Right in the middle. Bella wakes up as a vampire and that's where it ends but I wont tell you any details. But it does follow the details in the book very well and some scenes from the book are even better in the movie. It's a really great movie and if you haven't seen it yet I recommend that you do. It is well worth the cost of the tickets and well worth the wait.

Martina McBride - How Far

There's a boat, I could sail awayThere's the sky, I could catch a planeThere's a train, there's the tracksI could leave and I could choose to not come backOh, never come backThere you are giving up the fightHere I am begging you to tryTalk to me, let me inBut you just put your wall back up againOh, when's it gonna endHow far do I have to go to make you understandI wanna make this work so much it hurts but I just can'tKeep on giving, go on living with the way things areSo, I'm gonna walk awayAnd it's up to you to say how farThere's a chance I could change my mindBut I won't, not 'till you decideWhat you want, what you needDo you even care if I stay or leaveOh, what's it gonna beHow far do I have to go to make you understandI wanna make this work so much it hurts but I just can'tKeep on giving, go on living with the way things areSo, I'm gonna walk awayAnd it's up to you to say how farOut of this chair or just across the roomHalfway down the block or halfway to the moonHow far do I have to go to make you understandI wanna make this work so much it hurts but I just can'tKeep on giving, go on living with the way things areSo, I'm gonna walk awayAnd it's up to you to say Yeah, I'm gonna walk awayAnd it's up to you to say how far

All the things he did wrong : A list of the things DG did wrong and How he proved to me that it wasn/t going to work between us. AKA Why I dumped him.

1. He always played video games or watch tv when I came over.
2. When Ever I said that I like something he acted like he didnt care about my opinion cuz he didn't like it.
3. I realized we had nothing in common.
4. He never listened to me when I tried explaining how I felt about him ingoring me. Or at least He never did anything about it. Cuz I know he heard what I was saying. He just never did anything to change it.\
5. It was always me that had to go to his house. So I had to talk to chris and get him to take me to DG's. Which in turn made chris's family think that I was just using him to drive me places.
6. We also been dating for almost two months and he sat there and said somthing along the lines we never dated longer then 2 or 3 weeks so thats why he don't know how to be a good boyfriend. Well you know what you don't always have to wait til I'm single he could have tried dating other people. Cuz he knows I dated other people!!
7. He also barely touched me. He only kissed me when I left or when I dragged him into the bedroom to talk and we ended up cuddling. And that only happened twice.
8. The entire time I dated Him I had one song In my head called HOW FAR by MARTINA MCBRIDE I will post that and the lyrics later but basicaally it says how far do I have to go to get you to pay attention and show me that you care. It also asks Would you even care if I stay or leave? Its a song about the how she wants to make it work but that he needs to show her that he wants to make it work too. She finally gives up and walks away to see how far she has to go before he stops her. So that tells me I was the only one feeling the way I felt.

And that's why I decided to end things. Because it felt like he wasn't trying. He never did anything besides play his games. He see's the relationship as a game too. And Someone who loves you would not be able to let you do that easily. He didn't even try to win me back or change my mind. He didn't fight for me at all. And then again he tried to pin it all on me cuz he don't want to take the blame for this.

The fact is that I did try to tell him how I felt and he didn't listen. So that's not my fault that he wasn't willing to prove to me that he cared. I'm not taking the blame for this break up because I did everything I could think of to save us. The only thing I didn't do was tell him to change or I was gonna dump him. And I would never do that. So Instead I talked to him and threw hints at him that things needed to change. And he still sat there doing nothing so I put the blame one him. Because I tried everything I could to save us. Hes the one that ignored everything I said to him and never did anything about it. That is his fault and yet he still tries to put all the blame on me. Well thanks for showing me your true colors and it was nice knowing you...NOT! GOODBYE DG!!!

Lisa

I have an alter ego that is called Lisa. She is the part of me that is not afraid to be a bitch and tell you how it is to your face. She's not always out. But she is a sociopath which is another word for Anti social disorder and no it doen't mean she's not sociable. If you don't know what the disorder is don't make assumptions just go look it up. You can easily find stuff about it. Part of the reason I'm bringing this up is because DG said that no one believed me about her. We'll you know what if no one believes me then why do they know the differance? I highly doubt they would just play along and humor me. She is real and if they didn't believe me they would tell me to stop pretending. And as I said before she is real so again that was just something he said to try to get to me. Maybe I am letting his words get to me but that's because I trusted him and now hes being an immature jerk and treating me like shit. So that bridge has definatly been burned down and I"m so much better without him. That Ashley tisdale song is so perfect for this break up and i will probably need to listen to it for a while cuz this is gonna bother me for a while. I try to not let his words hurt me but Like I said I trusted him to be civil and he betrayed that and me. So now I know I never meant anything to him. However I'm not so bitter that I will say the same for him!!! Even though I'm the one who has a rght to be angry. He just doesn't want to admit that the relationship failed was mainly his fault. And each time we break up he act like he is the only one that gets hurt.

But I will not date him again after this because He's not mature enough and he doens't know how to have a girlfriend. So I won't date him ever again. I'm stronger now and I'm finally free of him.

But he's gonna learn that he's not gonna disrespect me just cuz I dumped his ass.

Restraining order here I come!! lol 

Trust

Guys can be so believable. He said he loved me. And I trusted him and our love enough to give him another chance and now I can't fathom why.  I don't get why some guys think that video games or card games are more important then thier girlfriends. And they turn around and wonder why they don't have anyone. We'll its because you have to chose what's more important to you. I was nice to him when I dumped him. I will post the conversation so that its on here but to really understand you would have to know me.

I am a kind girl. a goody two shoes even. For me to get mean or nasty with someone they have to get nasty and mean with me first. They have to offend me first before I will start telling them to shut up and then I tell them the truth.

See after he got mean to me I told him he needed to shut up and that he was just a bitter asshole that doesn't want to take responsibility for his part in this. Which is true because he tried putting all the blame on me. And I'm not taking all the blame for this. I really shouldn't take any blame for it because I really didn't do anything wrong besides for giving him another chance. He's the one that ignored me and then tried to make me feel like i was the lowest piece of shit on the planet just because I broke up with him. He was nasty and disrespected me just because I dumped his ass. Ending a relationship is perfectly legal.

His harrassing me because of it isn't legal!!

I mean all I did was end the relationship and now he's trying to make me feel like a piece of shit.

But It doesn't hurt me that he said it because I decided that I wasn't gonna let him get to me.

What really bothers me is that he crossed the line into that extreme just because I dumped him and he really had no right to do that. So I have decided that I'm going to get a restraining order on him so that he can't email me or talk to me or even come to my house.

That way I know I will not have to put up with his crap anymore.



Ex bf

Wow if you really think your bf loves you then dump him cuz thats when his true colors come out. lol. But i have decided that No matter what he says or does he can't hurt me by it. Cuz Not only am I over him but I no longer care what he or anyone thinks of me. I am going to get famous and be a star because of my talent. I don't need a bf or any man to make me complete. I am fine on my own. Since i dumped him he has done nothing but be a bitter asshole to me and try putting all the blame on me. I dont deny that maybe some of it is my fault cuz i dont like to leave my house all the time. But a lot of it is his fault too for not paying any attention to me and making me feel like I was alone even when he was sitting right beside me. I didn't even feel like i was dating him because I rarely got to see him and hes putting that on me too. I am not gonna walk all the way down the street in the cold just to use a friend of mine to take me over to my bf's house. My friends family already think that I only use him to drive me places so I don't like letting him drive me places. But apparently DG expected me to do everything including telling him what he was suppose to be doing. I also did tell him what he needed to change and he did nothing to even try to change it or prove himself. The result of that is that i dumped him. And now hes trying to hurt me with his words but I posted a video by ashley tisdale and it explains how I feel about it. It was just a game to him and now I'm better off without him so It's alright It's okay. I'll make it on my own. I wont go back to him ever again cuz I'm stonger now and our bridge has burned down.

Ashley Tisdale - It's Alright, It's OK

JoJo Too Little Too Late Official Music Video

My soon to be Ex

Right now I am still dating my BF but I am planning to dump him because I deserve someone who is gonna pay attention to me and care about me. I barely get to go over to his house so when I do get to go over there I want to cuddle and spend time with him But he just does the same thing everytime. He plays his games and watched tv and pays very little attention to me. I want to give him one last chance to prove to me that he actually wants me around but I'm not sure what good it would do. When I think of my bf I think of the song How Far by Martina Mcbride because that's about where I'm at right now. I also think of the song three mississippi by Terry clark. I made an entire break up Cd while still dating him and that tells me I've known what I needed to do for a while. I just had to realize that it wasn't going to work. If he didn't ignore or if he would at least act like he's excited when I come over I probably wouldn't feel this way. I just feel like there's nothing there. And he hasn't even tried to prove that he cares. I don't even know if he would care if I did get up and walk away. I know he wouldn't come after me. Most guys are too stupid to realize that that's what you really want them to do. Most of the time we walk away to see if they are willing to come after us and prove that they care.

My goals

My goals are as follows:

1. To publish at least two books and three novels
2. To put out two musical cd's with me as the singer
3. To act in several movies and at least one movie about one of my own stories
4. To have someone direct a movie based on a book I wrote.

But in order for me to get  anywhere near these goals I need to get back to work on my music and my stories. I also need to make sure I am taking care of myself. I need to lose some weight and start puting money in the bank. I also need to start my college classes soon.