Martina McBride - How Far

There's a boat, I could sail awayThere's the sky, I could catch a planeThere's a train, there's the tracksI could leave and I could choose to not come backOh, never come backThere you are giving up the fightHere I am begging you to tryTalk to me, let me inBut you just put your wall back up againOh, when's it gonna endHow far do I have to go to make you understandI wanna make this work so much it hurts but I just can'tKeep on giving, go on living with the way things areSo, I'm gonna walk awayAnd it's up to you to say how farThere's a chance I could change my mindBut I won't, not 'till you decideWhat you want, what you needDo you even care if I stay or leaveOh, what's it gonna beHow far do I have to go to make you understandI wanna make this work so much it hurts but I just can'tKeep on giving, go on living with the way things areSo, I'm gonna walk awayAnd it's up to you to say how farOut of this chair or just across the roomHalfway down the block or halfway to the moonHow far do I have to go to make you understandI wanna make this work so much it hurts but I just can'tKeep on giving, go on living with the way things areSo, I'm gonna walk awayAnd it's up to you to say Yeah, I'm gonna walk awayAnd it's up to you to say how far

All the things he did wrong : A list of the things DG did wrong and How he proved to me that it wasn/t going to work between us. AKA Why I dumped him.

1. He always played video games or watch tv when I came over.
2. When Ever I said that I like something he acted like he didnt care about my opinion cuz he didn't like it.
3. I realized we had nothing in common.
4. He never listened to me when I tried explaining how I felt about him ingoring me. Or at least He never did anything about it. Cuz I know he heard what I was saying. He just never did anything to change it.\
5. It was always me that had to go to his house. So I had to talk to chris and get him to take me to DG's. Which in turn made chris's family think that I was just using him to drive me places.
6. We also been dating for almost two months and he sat there and said somthing along the lines we never dated longer then 2 or 3 weeks so thats why he don't know how to be a good boyfriend. Well you know what you don't always have to wait til I'm single he could have tried dating other people. Cuz he knows I dated other people!!
7. He also barely touched me. He only kissed me when I left or when I dragged him into the bedroom to talk and we ended up cuddling. And that only happened twice.
8. The entire time I dated Him I had one song In my head called HOW FAR by MARTINA MCBRIDE I will post that and the lyrics later but basicaally it says how far do I have to go to get you to pay attention and show me that you care. It also asks Would you even care if I stay or leave? Its a song about the how she wants to make it work but that he needs to show her that he wants to make it work too. She finally gives up and walks away to see how far she has to go before he stops her. So that tells me I was the only one feeling the way I felt.

And that's why I decided to end things. Because it felt like he wasn't trying. He never did anything besides play his games. He see's the relationship as a game too. And Someone who loves you would not be able to let you do that easily. He didn't even try to win me back or change my mind. He didn't fight for me at all. And then again he tried to pin it all on me cuz he don't want to take the blame for this.

The fact is that I did try to tell him how I felt and he didn't listen. So that's not my fault that he wasn't willing to prove to me that he cared. I'm not taking the blame for this break up because I did everything I could think of to save us. The only thing I didn't do was tell him to change or I was gonna dump him. And I would never do that. So Instead I talked to him and threw hints at him that things needed to change. And he still sat there doing nothing so I put the blame one him. Because I tried everything I could to save us. Hes the one that ignored everything I said to him and never did anything about it. That is his fault and yet he still tries to put all the blame on me. Well thanks for showing me your true colors and it was nice knowing you...NOT! GOODBYE DG!!!

Lisa

I have an alter ego that is called Lisa. She is the part of me that is not afraid to be a bitch and tell you how it is to your face. She's not always out. But she is a sociopath which is another word for Anti social disorder and no it doen't mean she's not sociable. If you don't know what the disorder is don't make assumptions just go look it up. You can easily find stuff about it. Part of the reason I'm bringing this up is because DG said that no one believed me about her. We'll you know what if no one believes me then why do they know the differance? I highly doubt they would just play along and humor me. She is real and if they didn't believe me they would tell me to stop pretending. And as I said before she is real so again that was just something he said to try to get to me. Maybe I am letting his words get to me but that's because I trusted him and now hes being an immature jerk and treating me like shit. So that bridge has definatly been burned down and I"m so much better without him. That Ashley tisdale song is so perfect for this break up and i will probably need to listen to it for a while cuz this is gonna bother me for a while. I try to not let his words hurt me but Like I said I trusted him to be civil and he betrayed that and me. So now I know I never meant anything to him. However I'm not so bitter that I will say the same for him!!! Even though I'm the one who has a rght to be angry. He just doesn't want to admit that the relationship failed was mainly his fault. And each time we break up he act like he is the only one that gets hurt.

But I will not date him again after this because He's not mature enough and he doens't know how to have a girlfriend. So I won't date him ever again. I'm stronger now and I'm finally free of him.

But he's gonna learn that he's not gonna disrespect me just cuz I dumped his ass.

Restraining order here I come!! lol 

Trust

Guys can be so believable. He said he loved me. And I trusted him and our love enough to give him another chance and now I can't fathom why.  I don't get why some guys think that video games or card games are more important then thier girlfriends. And they turn around and wonder why they don't have anyone. We'll its because you have to chose what's more important to you. I was nice to him when I dumped him. I will post the conversation so that its on here but to really understand you would have to know me.

I am a kind girl. a goody two shoes even. For me to get mean or nasty with someone they have to get nasty and mean with me first. They have to offend me first before I will start telling them to shut up and then I tell them the truth.

See after he got mean to me I told him he needed to shut up and that he was just a bitter asshole that doesn't want to take responsibility for his part in this. Which is true because he tried putting all the blame on me. And I'm not taking all the blame for this. I really shouldn't take any blame for it because I really didn't do anything wrong besides for giving him another chance. He's the one that ignored me and then tried to make me feel like i was the lowest piece of shit on the planet just because I broke up with him. He was nasty and disrespected me just because I dumped his ass. Ending a relationship is perfectly legal.

His harrassing me because of it isn't legal!!

I mean all I did was end the relationship and now he's trying to make me feel like a piece of shit.

But It doesn't hurt me that he said it because I decided that I wasn't gonna let him get to me.

What really bothers me is that he crossed the line into that extreme just because I dumped him and he really had no right to do that. So I have decided that I'm going to get a restraining order on him so that he can't email me or talk to me or even come to my house.

That way I know I will not have to put up with his crap anymore.



Ex bf

Wow if you really think your bf loves you then dump him cuz thats when his true colors come out. lol. But i have decided that No matter what he says or does he can't hurt me by it. Cuz Not only am I over him but I no longer care what he or anyone thinks of me. I am going to get famous and be a star because of my talent. I don't need a bf or any man to make me complete. I am fine on my own. Since i dumped him he has done nothing but be a bitter asshole to me and try putting all the blame on me. I dont deny that maybe some of it is my fault cuz i dont like to leave my house all the time. But a lot of it is his fault too for not paying any attention to me and making me feel like I was alone even when he was sitting right beside me. I didn't even feel like i was dating him because I rarely got to see him and hes putting that on me too. I am not gonna walk all the way down the street in the cold just to use a friend of mine to take me over to my bf's house. My friends family already think that I only use him to drive me places so I don't like letting him drive me places. But apparently DG expected me to do everything including telling him what he was suppose to be doing. I also did tell him what he needed to change and he did nothing to even try to change it or prove himself. The result of that is that i dumped him. And now hes trying to hurt me with his words but I posted a video by ashley tisdale and it explains how I feel about it. It was just a game to him and now I'm better off without him so It's alright It's okay. I'll make it on my own. I wont go back to him ever again cuz I'm stonger now and our bridge has burned down.

Ashley Tisdale - It's Alright, It's OK

JoJo Too Little Too Late Official Music Video

My soon to be Ex

Right now I am still dating my BF but I am planning to dump him because I deserve someone who is gonna pay attention to me and care about me. I barely get to go over to his house so when I do get to go over there I want to cuddle and spend time with him But he just does the same thing everytime. He plays his games and watched tv and pays very little attention to me. I want to give him one last chance to prove to me that he actually wants me around but I'm not sure what good it would do. When I think of my bf I think of the song How Far by Martina Mcbride because that's about where I'm at right now. I also think of the song three mississippi by Terry clark. I made an entire break up Cd while still dating him and that tells me I've known what I needed to do for a while. I just had to realize that it wasn't going to work. If he didn't ignore or if he would at least act like he's excited when I come over I probably wouldn't feel this way. I just feel like there's nothing there. And he hasn't even tried to prove that he cares. I don't even know if he would care if I did get up and walk away. I know he wouldn't come after me. Most guys are too stupid to realize that that's what you really want them to do. Most of the time we walk away to see if they are willing to come after us and prove that they care.

My goals

My goals are as follows:

1. To publish at least two books and three novels
2. To put out two musical cd's with me as the singer
3. To act in several movies and at least one movie about one of my own stories
4. To have someone direct a movie based on a book I wrote.

But in order for me to get  anywhere near these goals I need to get back to work on my music and my stories. I also need to make sure I am taking care of myself. I need to lose some weight and start puting money in the bank. I also need to start my college classes soon.